This is the first episode I’ve watched since starting this where I had basically no memory or opinion of it. Sure, I remember its existence, and that people generally don’t like it. But other than remembering that “The Cops Wear Skirts” and “The Constitution Is Something,” (also of course women with beards), I didn’t have anything in my head when I thought about it.
Which is to say that usually, when I’m getting ready to write these posts, I know what I’m going to say beforehand pretty much completely. It is now that I admit that I didn’t even watch “Luck of the Draw” again until after I’d already posted the review. But that episode is the best episode.
This might be (so far) the worst.
Anyways, I had no idea what I was going to write about. Production orders? Haircuts? Theme song? I didn’t know. So I decided to take notes while watching the episode, and go from there.
After finishing the episode, I realized it was so bad that I should just use those notes without editing them at all.
So, here you go:
TIME AGAIN AND WORLD:
everyone is mad
can we talk about arturo’s hair?
getting drunk THEYVE MADE IT HOME YOU GUYS SUCK
WHAT IS WITH THAT GOATEE THIS IS NOT FEASIBLE
‘nag nag nag’
Wade’s hair I guess is good
UGH MESSING WITH THINGS YOU WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT MISSING THE SLIDE
‘elsie, the rock. 5-4.’ what-ever.
why did they run so far away! they are always sliding in front of everybody all the time.
what! that’s the teaser?!
-that isn’t gripping because as far as we know, the events of that previous world won’t have any bearing on the next world they go to. why would they? so to us at this point, it basically is like two different episodes.
thats not a chip. its a floppy disk.
whoa, wade. chill out.
like, seriously she is so shrill all of the sudden?
ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE
CONSPIRACY NO MOUSTACHE
that razor gag was pretty good.
well that didn’t work out very well, i guess?
GOOD JOB WADE YOU GOT A DIFFERENT DUDE KILLED
‘elsie, the rock, 5-4. 8:00″
THAT IS TOTALLY YOUR FAULT.
now, that’s where you stop your teaser, amirite?
nice tape outline?
YEAH WRITE THAT CHECK REMMY (why is he writing a check)
actually, remmy, she can and SHOULD beat herself up.
WHY IS SHE FIGHTING WITH HIM!?
UGH SHE IS BEING SUCH A RAGING whatever.
ha ha ha quinine spilled the ice.
i wish arturo would get his hair cut again.
Wade just looks angry all the time. why is she angry?
NO?!?! YOU’RE NOT GOING?!?!?
a man is dead, rembrandt— why are you the worst?
also then they just leave her?
ha ha then they come back. this episode is really bad.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL— then she SMILES!
cool you solved the case. ha ha feel better.
whoops. you must feel stupid.
(what does this have to do with alternate dimensions?) i think this is the first time i can thnk of that i legitimately have to ask this question.
god save judge nassau. CONSPIRACY NASSAU.
IT’LL JUST GIVE YOU A HEADACHE.
IT CAME FROM ANOTHER WORLD.
the post production dubbing is totally awful.
62-63, they outlawed the constitution. OKAY SURE WHY NOT
THEY ARE DRINKING SO MUCH ON THIS WORLD.
SERIOUSLY YOU ARE REUSING THIS SHOT?
why can’t it just be a normal CD ROM?
ha ha ha WADE IS HACKING, SORT OF.
Kurt Cobain’s christmas album WHAT YEAR IS IT ANYWAYS
don’t be so sassy. WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT HACKING.
ERRYBODY LOOK SO GLUM AT THIS SHITTY ASS CONSTITUTION.
HA HA HA READ THAT ALMANAC DOOD
that book is so tiny.
so seriously no one remembers the constitution?
no one? anywhere?
after thirty years?
GO TO DA CLUB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY
WTF IS THAT PURPLE MONEY
HOW DO THEY GET IT
HA HA THIS CLUB SUXXX
A WHOLE NATION OF SQUARES
WADE IS 23! SHE IS SO YOUNG!
LOL ELSIE IS RIGHT THERE.
what is with this weird long shot?
WHY DO THEY CARE IF THEY RUN OUT OF TIME
RADIO FREE AMERICA
i have zero investment in anything they do?
THIS MAKES NO SENSE no shit.
no but seriously why do they bother getting involved? ‘elsie the rock 54 ten o clock’ IT WAS EIGHT O CLOCK DUMBASS.
YEAH THE COOL PARTY PUMP DA JAMS
ITS STILL THE 90s!!!!
the professor is right— quinn got shot earlier. why risk it again.
OH NOW YOU DONT LIKE THIS? WHATEVER I DONT CARE STUPID ASS.
CALLING ALL IN TRANSIT CALLING ALL IN TRANSIT RADIO FREE EUROPE RADIO
“YEAH SURE ITS THE US CONSTITUTION”
ha ha ha ha this is so stupid.
OH SHIT SHOOTOUT
so we’re in a conspiracy episode. i really just don’t care, though. like, i can’t make myself care at all.
HA HA THEY ARE SO BAD AT GETTING INTO CARS.
I DONT CARE ABOUT THIS CAR CHASE IT IS SO DUMB.
broadcast it over the radio. ha ha ha. sure why not.
CONSPIRACY SASSO BETRAYS EVERYONE.
was that part with the car not starting supposed to be tense?
MORE DRINKING DRINKING ALL THE TIME
FROM YOUR LIPS TO GOD’S EARS
I RESENT YOU HAVING THAT THOUGHT
this episode is STILL GOING ON.
UGH SASSY FACE
Arturo i am so with you. FACEPALM.
if there are no rules, why don’t they just shoot Rembrandt?
can they shoot Wade instead?
MY FRIENDS ARE AT A COMPUTER TERMINAL AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
OKAY WAIT BUT SERIOUSLY THE INTERNET.
MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF COMPUTER HACKERS
or, y’know, MOMS CHECKING THEIR EMAIL.
i know that everyone talks about it, but it is really dumb that they try to read the constitution on the radio when there’s an INTERNET TO USE. AN INTERNET.
ONLY ONE GENERATION EVER CREATED THE US CONSTITUTION
and only one braindead moron wrote this episode
SORRY 2 B SO HARSH BRO THIS EP BLOWZ.
‘tension,’ again. every time this episode tries to be ‘tense’ it is instead so boring. this is by far the most boring episode I have yet to watch. I’d rather watch paint dry. And I don’t want to even watch Wade because A) her mullet’s gone B) her belly shirts aren’t anywhere and C) she is so shrill and irritating.
“”I’ve noticed the difference in Wade already — she is being written much stronger this year,” says Sabrina Lloyd. “In the very first episode, she saves the day. It’s something I really wanted, and it made me realize my voice was being heard, that the writers believed in me. Through these adventures, I think she has become a bit of a wild woman. She’s getting more and more daring.”
Part of Wade’s new found strength comes from her belief in her womanhood, Lloyd believes. “I think she’s much more comfortable in her sexuality now. She has really changed. I think she’s one of the strongest characters in the show in the sense that she knows what she wants, she’s a fighter. She now goes into these parallel worlds and tries to help when she can, and learns from the experiences. Before I think she was more of an observer.”
Ugh no because you re so irritating. If by Fighter you mean Shrew, than yes.
KEEP HOPE ALIVE.
INSPIRATION!? HE WAS TRYING TO USE THE RADIO.
this is bullshit they don’t even know this guy. he must be so confused.
AGE BEFORE BEAUTY.
ha ha they just slide in front of them NO BIGGIE.
THEY TAKE IT LIKE CHAMPS.
WHY ARE THEY SO INVESTED.
WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN? WHO CARES YOU DONT KNOW HIM
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH
But seriously, this world doesn’t look so bad, know? it doesn’t look all facets and stuff.
hey, it’s “that guy?”
HA HA HA HACK THE PLANET
ITS THE CONSTITUTION.
LETS READ IT IN UNISON!
HA HA HA ITS LIKE THEY’VE JUST LEARNED TO READ.
AH AHA HA HA AHHA WHAT IS THAT GRAPHIC?!
OH GOD thank the lord it is over now.
love this theme song.
i kind of wish i had just made up this episode and wrote about that instead.
IN A WORLD WHERE THE CONSTITUTION IS ON A LITTLE RUBBER THINGY.
JUDGE NASSAU: THE ANIMATED SERIES.
okay, I’m done here.
I feel like adding a little extra thought. I’m not going to try to summarize the episode. That’s literally impossible. The plot makes less sense the more I think about it. No one’s performance stands out enough for me to even remember their name. The only thing that’s really noteworthy is Wade.
Obviously, we’ve talked about Wade at length. Now, in Season Two, she’s finally starting to really stand out, be a presence… and it’s a disaster! She’s suddenly the most unlikable person EVER. So shrill! So harsh! So manipulative and hurtful and awful to be around! No wonder the dudes spend LITERALLY THE ENTIRE EPISODE drinking.
Why the change? Well, that extended quote I threw into my notes is the answer. Apparently Sabrina Lloyd asked that they give Wade a more robust presence on the show, and this is how they complied.
I don’t know. Again, I’m at a loss for words. With “good bad” television, there’s generally something to say, because I’m at least laughing at the screen. Thoughtless dreck like this doesn’t even elicit a chuckle, let alone an essay.
But I’ll leave you with the question that bears repeating: what does this episode have to do with alternate dimensions/is it okay that we’re veering off into territory like this?
Next week: an angry man gets angry, and I may or may not tell you about me and Sliders fanfic!