Paintballs Filled With Holy Water (Stoker).

This week on Sliders:

Yeah, there’s like, this vampire rock band— they used to be like, doowop or whatever, but now they’re like, shitty alt-goth or something— and they’re like, putting voodoo spells on chicks and then eating them, or something, and that one guy from That 70s Show that isn’t Fez, Ashton Kutcher, or Topher Grace (or the Dad) works for them, but I don’t think he’s a Vampire… I don’t know, he might be.

Oh yeah, and that Rickman dude dresses like a priest and hides his brain fluid syringe in a coffin-shaped hole he cut in a Bible. Oh, and apparently he dug up a dead dude who I guess just happened to share his name, but one of the pins off of his uniform in the coffin, and then reburied the dude— just in case Maggie decided to look up all the Dead Dudes in the World to check if the weird tattoo that lights up at death, find Rickman’s name, and then also dig up said Dude’s grave. Which, of course, she does. Oh, and Wade sings a tender ballad, puts on whiteface, crimps and teases her hair, and gets shitfaced on blood.

Oh, fuck, and I almost forgot: Tommy Chong plays a Vampire Hunter!



All I Seem To See Is Death (The Breeder).


This week on Sliders: a fabulous Dick-Monster lodges itself in Maggie’s throat, and I expound upon The Male Gaze while Rembrandt expounds upon Racial Equality. Somehow, Wade manages not to cry through the entire episode.